My posts have been a little less frequent the last week or so. I wanted to take a minute to address that, if there is actually anyone reading this.
Quick backstory first: About a year and a half ago, I was diagnoses with depression, anxiety, and insomnia. I started on medication right away and almost instantly felt better. It took some time for me to understand how my body reacted to certain things and what it felt like when the depression started to reappear. When it happened over the winter, I was in a good enough place that I was able to deal with it fairly quickly and it didn't get to the point of urgency at that time.
Over the past five months, everyone has had a hard time dealing with what is happening in our world. Between COVID and the BLM movement, there has been a lot going on. In my life, I have dealt with multiple deaths, one of a good friend, one of an old friend that I hadn't seen in quite a while. However, through all of that, the stress of moving to online teaching and just continuing to move forward didn't seem like it was that difficult. I had started to feel myself get more isolated and lonely, but we were all feeling that way.
As the summer has gone on, things stayed about the same, but overall, all was good. Until the discussion around back to school really revved up. When I finally had to sit down and think about what it would mean to either be back in school or teaching remotely, the reality and urgency of this finally hit. Over the last two weeks, I have felt once again like I am losing a part of myself. I am not sleeping well, I am exhausted physically and mentally all the time, and there have been days on end where I cannot hold back the tears - and most of the time I don't know why I am crying, other than I just feel completely overwhelmed by life.
So my time doing things that I enjoy and that I normally want to do, isn't really there. It feels more like a chore to do some things, and like I would be putting in more effort than it is worth. So for now, posts are going to probably remain a little spread out. Understand that I am grabbing the moments when I can.
I also wanted to write this post on the chance that someone might read it and might see something in it they can relate to. Since day one, I have not shied away from my diagnosis, instead I have spoken about it, to my friends and family, to someone that has asked, to people that I feel might benefit from hearing my story. So again, on the chance that someone might read this and take strength from it, that is enough reason to share. If you are reading this and feel a sense of connection to anything I have shared, I would love to hear from you too, if you are willing. Together, as a community, I hope we can be strong and support one another.
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